Frequently Asked Questions

1. If I am being abused, what can I do? 

• Tell someone who you feel will support you and listen to you. 
• If you feel yourself to be in immediate danger, call the police (call 911).
• Call Sneha or your local or national domestic violence hotline. 
• Find out what your options are. 
• Be prepared to help yourself. You are your own best friend.

2. What types of help can Sneha provide?

We draw on the model of the extended family prevalent in South Asia. It is comprised of elders and siblings, close friends and neighbors. Moving to a foreign country often means leaving behind the cultural and family ties that define and support us. Our goal at Sneha is to recreate that structure to the extent that there is someone to call in times of stress and distress.

We are a friend or confidante – someone to talk to about a problem, for advice and information. 

Through our connections within the South Asian community and the larger local community, we also provide:

• Referrals to doctors, counselors and attorneys (divorce, immigration)
• Utmost confidentiality
• Help with finding temporary shelter in case of physical abuse or other emergency
• Financial assistance in case of compelling need
• Help in dealing with government and other agencies

3. What happens when I call the Sneha phone number? 

If a Sneha volunteer is on call, you will be able to talk to her right away. If not, you can leave a message (with a number and time to call you back) and a volunteer will call you as soon as possible. 

You will have to describe your situation to the volunteer and be prepared to tell her what type of help you are looking for. The volunteer will ask you for your personal information (name, address, phone number), visa status (if relevant to the case) and other information as the situation demands. Depending on the type of assistance you need, the volunteer will then give you the information you need, or put you in touch with the persons who can help you. In some cases the volunteer may have to consult other professionals to devise a suitable plan of action. 

Some women are reluctant to give their name for fear of recognition within the local community. We assure you that we take confidentiality very seriously. Your name and the nature of your call will be divulged to others on a strictly “need to know” basis. 

4. If I know a woman who is being abused, what can I do?

• Listen to her and support her without blame or judgement. 
• Let her know that she is not alone and that abuse is not her fault. 
• Provide her with information on organizations like Sneha. 
• Offer to be a contact person in an emergency. 
• Respect her right to self-determination and choose her own path. 
• Help her to help herself.

5. Do you provide free legal advice or counseling services? 

We have a list of immigration and family lawyers as well as counselors who help our clients at a reduced fee. If fees cannot be paid at the time of consultation, a payment plan can be worked out. 

On occasion (depending on the case), Sneha has paid for such services. 

6. I have no money --- can you give me some? 

Sneha has helped women financially to buy necessities—grocery, clothes and so on. Sometimes we have also helped with legal fees and travel expenses. 

We are a volunteer non-profit group, and we rely on the local community for financial support.

7. Do you provide counseling services? 

Sneha volunteers are not trained counselors. But they can direct you to counselors who are familiar with the South Asian culture and therefore understand the cultural dynamics involved in a situation. 

8. What do I have to do if I decide to leave my home? 

We don’t have a transition home. We can make arrangements for you to stay temporarily at a shelter provided by the State of Connecticut. Consider the following checklist as you consider leaving the home:

• If you have minor children, take them with you. If, in the future, there is a dispute over custody of the children, you will have a better chance of getting the custody if the children stay with you.
• Take all Immigration papers - green cards, passports, visas, and any other related documents - so that you can handle your own legal immigration status efforts, or you can leave the country if you want to.
• Take all Identification papers - birth certificates, marriage certificates, social security cards, drivers license
• Take all Educational certificates - college or high school diplomas/certificates that you may need when you apply for employment. 
• Take Financial documents - check books and bank books, stocks, bonds, or any papers that you feel may be important. If you have a joint account remember that both of you have the legal right to take all the money out of the joint account.
• Take personal belongings - jewelry, prescriptions, medications and health care items that you may need for yourselves or the children 

9. What will happen if I call 911? 

The police will come to the place from where the call was made. Most police departments respond quickly to calls of domestic violence. The first thing police officers do is to make sure no further injury will occur. They will gather facts about what happened. They will talk to anyone who was a part of, or witnessed the incident. They will also look for ‘physical evidence’ such as bruises, torn clothing, broken dishes or furniture, blood and so forth. They will decide if a crime has been committed and if any arrest should be made. 

If police determine that you need medical assistance, they will help you get it. They will also tell you about services available, including domestic violence shelter program. They should also explain to you, if your partner is arrested, that he will be in court the next day, and that you can request a protective order. 

10. Will the police inform the INS? 

No. The INS and the local police are separate organizations. If the police ask about your immigration status you can tell them your visa status, or say that your immigration papers are being ‘processed’. Everyone, regardless of his or her immigration status has a right to be protected from domestic violence. 

11. What are the effects of abuse on the children? 

All children suffer when they are subjected to witnessing abuse. In addition to the psychological effects, children may, in fact, be direct targets of abuse. Studies indicate that it is better for children to live without the perpetrator than in a two-parent household that is abusive. Also, children who witness abuse are at greater risk to become perpetrators of violence in adulthood. 

12. If a woman is being abused, why doesn't she just leave? 

There are many reasons why abused women do not leave. For many, leaving may not be an alternative. She may have nowhere to go or little or no resources in the community available to her. Shelter space, for example, is woefully inadequate in the United States, as is affordable daycare and job-training programs. She may feel that she should not deprive her children of their father. She may be economically dependent and feel that it is better for her and her children to stay in the home than face life on the streets. She may also be ostracized from her family and friends if she leaves. She may be isolated from community gatherings. 

South Asian women may face pressure to keep the stay so that the younger sister's chances of marriage will not be ruined or that family honor will be intact. In addition, because of the messages she has received from her community, she may also feel that it is her duty to keep the marriage together at all costs. She may also want the violence to end, but not the relationship itself, hoping that it will change at some point. Finally, a battered women also faces the most physical danger from her perpetrator(s) when she attempts to leave; her abuser(s) threaten her with violence and death if she tries to escape. 

It is also important to note that many women do leave once or more, but then return. After leaving, her struggles are not over. Many women have sought assistance from police, lawyers, healthcare providers, family members, and religious institutions; however, if they are not adequately supported, they are further trapped.